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Page name: Prose contest - fairy tales opening [Logged in view] [RSS]
2006-01-02 18:53:15
Last author: shotokan_gal
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Elftown Prose Contest - Fairy tales


Opening Paragraph


Credit to [Melocrie] for the writing.


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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, gorgeous land, still in the age of castles and princesses. There, the days went by like in any other: The sun rising and setting, and meanwhile, many things happened, many adventurous things. But none was so exceptional as that one day, on which the sun was rising into a rather misty morning. It seemed quite plain as any other, but for one thing. A bird sat on the edge of a cliff, watching over the valley. On the other side, lay a castle, quite hidden in the damp air of mist. But a light shone over it, and the bird too might have noticed, that something was about to happen.
In an old farm house, far away from the misty land, lived a little boy and girl. As brother and sister, they of course had times to argue, but also to play. They lived there together with their aunt and uncle, for their parents had died when they were still far younger. Every day passed as another. Until that one fateful day when the old bell on the door rang. The boy hurried to open it, but there was a sight which he had never seen before. In front of him, on the doorstep under the pouring rain, stood a little, pointy-hatted dwarf.



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2006-01-02 [Alfirin Lindlea]: In the second line it's "exceptional" not "exceptionally"... and "passed" not "past"... and "the boy hurried to open it, and. Sorry.... I'm pedantic

2006-01-02 [shotokan_gal]: Fixed, mostly (though no one will be judged on the contents of this beginning). Thankyou :)

2006-01-02 [nokaredes]: Do all fairy tales have orphans? >_>

2006-01-02 [Viking]: Not all have orphans, but it is a common motif.

2006-01-03 [Melocrie]: O.o I made THAT many spelling mistakes? Told you, [shotokan_gal] that it should be checked =P

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: Okay, I really don't wish to complain, but I feel obligated to. First of all, why are there TWO lands? Are we supposed to somehow tie the farm far away from the "misty" land? I don't understand! This opening is so confusing. /tear. Blah. Okay, secondly, misty is used twice. Someone should change that. Just because...it sounds cheesy? Okay, sorry to complain. But PLEASE explain to me why there are two different settings and if we're supposed to somehow tie them together...okay /end rant

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: Also, it's supposed to be "as" not "so" in the second line after exceptional. It's comparing, right? So it's supposed to be "as." Umm, okay. There are other mistakes, and I know we're not being judged on this portion of the story...but ti makes me skeptical. I mean, one of the things they're judging on are GRAMMAR. It's kinda sad that the people judging out stories partly based on grammar can't catch the grammatical mistakes in the paragraphs THEY approved to be the opening for all the entries. Comma usage in front of prepositional phrases and all. Okay, so I sound like a grammar Nazi, but in reality, I suck at grammar that's why I have to burn the rules in my mind. 

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: I don't want to sound rude. Blah. I'm sorry if I offended, I'm just being a bitch. I hope I don't get banned for this ><

2006-01-03 [shotokan_gal]: I did check it, those are more grammar mistakes than spelling mistakes though which are easier to miss #^_^#

2006-01-03 [shotokan_gal]: As for the grammar rules, we didn't have much time to look over this before wanting to open the contest. We're unfortunately not professional editors, and there are currently three judges, possibly to be increased. So give us a little slack for now :P Maybe the winning entry won't have 100% perfect grammar, but the main point of grammar is for a story to read well. And that's really what we're looking for overall, not whether the commas are necessarily always in the right place.

2006-01-03 [shotokan_gal]: As for two lands, you can connect them if you like. The opening is more to set the scene, in a fairy-tale kind of 'world' if you like. Whereas the characters in the second are to be what the story is hopefully going to be about. But be creative with how you connect them, if you wish too. The significance of the first could just be to set the scene, it's a land with castles and princesses etc. 'Far' is also very subjective, it can mean a few days travel away in a medieval context such as this. Use your imagination!

2006-01-03 [Love The Kittens]: Mmmmkay. Thanks ^_^ HIGHFIVE

2006-01-05 [Rochala]: can i start the story with this opening and then add the phrase "But this story has nothing to do with our ..."? :P

2006-01-05 [shotokan_gal]: We want you to link your story somehow to this opening, even if you don't use all of it. That is really the point.

2006-01-06 [-Shadow-Nell-]: Question! *waves hand in air* I've got my first draft laid out, but unfortunately it's just over the limit...by five hundred words. I'm working on it, but I haven't yet found something to cut out! I promise you won't notice the length, but will it be acceptable?

2006-01-06 [shotokan_gal]: Unfortunately not. You may post it now if you wish, but after the deadline anything a word over 2000 (not counting the opening paragraph - everything on this page) will be removed. Sorry, but we have to be strict or everyone will demand an extension.

2006-01-06 [Melocrie]: I am sorry [Love The Kittens], for the many mistakes in the opening. But you see, I am not English myself, and as [shotokan_gal] said, we didn't have time to look it over^^ But actually, I should thank you, this brings me a step closer to my perfect English^^

2006-01-06 [elfflower1989]: As in linked somehow to this story...how about if it's the story of the flea that lives in the dwarf's beard? ^^ Or maybe something like Canterbury Tales where the children...nevermind. Hm.

2006-01-06 [elfflower1989]: Oh, also, is there any specific way to write to make it "prose"?

2006-01-06 [Melocrie]: About the flea, it is possibe. It depends on the rest of the story. Personally, I think it's quite original^^

2006-01-06 [shotokan_gal]: Prose is just definied as ordinary writing - i.e. not poetry or something with a rhyming structure. Just a story in our case :)

2006-01-07 [-Shadow-Nell-]: *Goes to edit story with axe.*

2006-01-07 [Elmiira]: ah well.. no hope for me then. :) I don't have enough grammar or vocabulary in my head to make a fairy tale good enough. And I think finnish isn't accepted. :D

2006-01-07 [Melocrie]: You can always enter! Just try your best. We can tell the difference between trying and laziness. My grammer isn't the best either, because I'm Dutch. It's okay to make mistakes, as long as they are not mistakes because you didn't try. We can tell the difference^^

2006-01-10 [gypsygrl]: My sister is very dyslexic and those os us who can read her spelling think she is the most creative authress in bloom we have ever read. a little thing like lousey grammer ain't no good reason to feel shy. Write away!.

2006-01-10 [Melocrie]: Exactly! I have the same problem myself, though it's not really terrible. Yet I try^^

2006-01-11 [lolbriena]: The begginging description is good, but the second paragraph needs work!

2006-01-11 [shotokan_gal]: Needs work in what way? It won't be changed now however, we already have entries.

2006-01-18 [Mikhul, the Bard]: I have chosen to use the first opening paragraph. Is it ok if I sort of tweak it a bit? I feel that some of the words should be omitted, and the language simplified into something easily digested by a reader who might not understand certain words. It does say that the story should be easily read by children. lol!

2006-01-19 [Melocrie]: Hmmm I don't know, what do you think [shotokan_gal]?

2006-01-19 [shotokan_gal]: I'd personally keep it the same, after all, you wont be marked on it :/ The problem is we don't want people to try and use it to try and extend their word limit past what allowed (since the opening paragraph isn't counted there).

2006-01-19 [Mikhul, the Bard]: I see I see. Well, I already have the story up. The Enchanted Castle, I only tweaked the opening only slightly. Could you please take a look at it, [shotokan_gal] and see if its ok. I don't want any marks against me. lol!

2006-01-20 [Melocrie]: I am terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I personally don't agree with it. You see, the way you changed it gives it turn in our idea. Furthermore, any little detail can change things, and your story is now just a little too different from the others, therefor harder to compare and judge.

2006-01-20 [Melocrie]: (sorry if I haven't made myself clear, I'm not English myself see, and I just woke up O.o)

2006-01-20 [shotokan_gal]: Well you completely changed the second part after the castle description to be about different characters :/ the story was meant to include everything on this page. Perhaps we need to make that clearer somewhere?

2006-01-20 [Melocrie]: Well, it seems to be like it's clear enough, but sure if some people don't get it...

2006-01-20 [Mikhul, the Bard]: Um...I still am not getting it. It seemed to me, that after the introduction, we could take the story anywhere, save for the rules which did not say anything about not doing what I did. It said to keep the intrpduction as close to the original as possible, which is what I thought I did. Would it be better if I keep the original introduction, and keep the rest of the story, or is my story just to...different? I actually love to write, and I can get a little carried away in the whole Epic-ness, and such...and honestly, it seemed like the introductions were written by someone who did not originally speak English. You see, the writing is sort of hard to digest...well, for me.

2006-01-20 [Mikhul, the Bard]: It's sort of very hard to follow...which doesnt mean it isnt good -- its actually very good. But like I said...its very hard to follow, and understand because of the arrangements of the words, and such.

2006-01-21 [shotokan_gal]: The rest of the story is indeed free to do what you want with, but you haven't included the whole introduction in your story (which introduces some characters).

2006-01-21 [shotokan_gal]: And the rules don't actually say 'keep as close to the original as possible' they say - use this opening in your story. We hoped that was clear enough, though I may change the wording now if I think of anything clearer.

2006-01-21 [Mikhul, the Bard]: um...I think this is all a misunderstanding. The whole this is ONE introduction...? I thought the two paragraphs were two seperate introductions that we could pick from... so I chose the first, thinking that the other half wasnt a part of the story. Now I just feel like poo XD

2006-01-21 [Mikhul, the Bard]: I shall fix my story, and let you know when its done.

2006-01-21 [Mikhul, the Bard]: I'm pretty sure I can keep the same story line, and just tweak ti lightly to include the omitted information.

2006-02-20 [SpookShow Babe]: I was wondering if we could make it so that there were 3 dwarves not just one. Is that ok?

2006-02-20 [shotokan_gal]: You can add more characters if you like yes. In the lines which come after the opening here. But as this contest closes in roughly a minute, you'll have to be fast :P

2006-02-21 [SpookShow Babe]: Example being: In front of him, on the doorstep under the pouring rain, stood three little, pointy-hatted dwarves.

2006-02-21 [SpookShow Babe]: lol nvm

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